your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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