I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize