the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
