can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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