There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
