Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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