where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
