FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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