I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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