Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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