Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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