Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The feeling are messing with the penis
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
