meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
