I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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