i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
