it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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