Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize