I just cut my nipple shaving
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
