There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
