I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
