i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
