god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
