Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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