i need an iv and a liver transplant
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
