Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
