1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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