it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize