You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
