u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I smell like Dick and happiness
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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