4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
