just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
