she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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