My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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