Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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