think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
