My nipple is on Facebook.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
