Who wears a wallet chain?!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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