I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
this is an emotional support booty call
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho