these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it