I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.