i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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