I intend to get homeless drunk
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
