I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
