i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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