Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Soap is not a condiment
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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