in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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