Small penises have feelings too.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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