Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
