Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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