She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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