so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
