the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize