you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
